Cancer — What I’ve Learned
Sitting in the chemo chair, the lady next to me tells me her story. She was at work talking to a coworker when she got a spasm in her arm. Her coworker told her that she began speaking incoherently (which she doesn’t remember). People in the office thought she was having a stroke; it turned out to be a brain tumor. She’s 75 years old and works as an aid for a disabled child. She did everything right — ate healthy, exercised, etc and could not believe this was happening to her. I could see her eyes fill with water as she spoke to me. I searched and searched for something encouraging to say, but could come up with nothing. We both kind of stared at each other with a knowing look in our water filled eyes.
This is a fucked up disease and the more I speak to people, the more I understand it doesn’t matter what kind of life you’ve lived. I met another woman who had been a vegan for the last 25 years, took part in triathlons and was a “gym nut.” She was diagnosed with breast cancer and because of all steroids, was now overweight. She told me she could no longer run and had a hard time even walking because of the neuropathy.
I don’t know how to be encouraging. I’m angry. Angry that this is happening to me and angry for all the people that this is/has happened to. I haven’t learned the positive lessons that I hear other people talk about learning from having cancer. I haven’t learned about my strengths or ability to endure from having cancer. I damn sure didn’t learn patience from having cancer either. What I’ve learned is that cancer is a relentless disease. I’ve learned that it’s possible to be too tired to even finish a sentence. I’ve learned that cancer can destroy a life and kill you slowly while doing it.
I HATE IT
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